so long and goodnight

I swear i am one of the only people left in the entire universe that doesnt have a picture of my fucking self as my fucking icon. And fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck i dont care if u think that is a bitchy statement.


Im sad. Yeah im sad. i hate being sad. im also afraid. Am i being too clingy? is he getting sick of me? Im scared. I dont want him to 'end it' AGAIN. wow. that will be just a bit upsetting. He called me today. wanted to see me. I wanted to see him. He had to shower and figure out if his brother was going to leave the house. UNFORTUNATELY his brother is moving back in with him. His brothers are ASSSSSSSHOLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEESSSSSS. Assholes. completely. Anyway..he said he'd call me back. He did. His mood was completely changed.. said he was tired of trying to please everyone. said he needed sleep. What did i do? I said i wanted to stop by. I OFFERED to stop by. He said 'well i want to see you but i have other priorities.' and i pushed it more. He said he'd come to my place. he did. for about 20 minutes. said all of like 7 words. I laid with him. He left at midnight.
And guess what
He wants to go to south dakota with his parents to see their property. So he is leaving tomorrow. Until SUNDAY. thats why he wanted to hang out. Now i have to wait until Sunday to hang out again. Im worried because he's going to leave...and he's going to be able to think. I dont want him to think. I dont want him to push me away. If he needs space i'll give it to him but im just scared. I dont know what or why i have gotten myself into this again. I think he asks himself the same question. He tells me im one of the best things thats happened to him. But those are just words. I am hoping this time away from his job and all the people he is trying to 'please' is going to be good for him. i want him to come back refreshed. Please let it be that way.


I feel crappy.


This is going to be such a long weekend.